Updated: Apr 14
Last year felt like a year of in-between worlds. One side felt and saw the perspective of spirituality, fluidness, and freedom of thought, and another, a consideration of an objective knowing of what it is to know myself and god.
I’ve sat in both of these places lately, observing, and questioning what my inner guide knows to be true. I’ve learned to be more in flux the last year, versus feeling a fierce guidance or knowing of truth.
With that has come less writing, for there has not been a clear expression of words to form. Perhaps that could mean disconnection, or acceptance of a non-determined destination of thought. I also see it as a brewing ground for new growth to begin its form.
Yet, letting this new space take form has created emotional turmoil. Stretching back into a place of knowingness, after taking on so many new transformations in a time of Saturn’s return has felt unnatural.
Who am I? What makes a sense of inner knowing return? What am I inspired by? What creates a powerful reaction in my soul? Where did I go?
I’ve been in a place of recalibration.
Nothing to prove, nothing to be, just recalibration.
It is a place of knowing you can no longer go the same direction, yet shedding old skin with full force is shocking to the system, or so the subconscious believes.
I honor how hard and destabilizing deep transition can feel. I honor the body’s slow reaction of cracking at the core, for it threatens the key constitute of what it means to feel whole.
This place has allowed me to have love for the in-between and honor for those who have tried to hold me softly when there were too many dissolving pieces to hold. I pray that the universe holds you with the same gentleness that you tried to hold me.
As forms of the self dissolve, perhaps we realize we are never defined by our fluid pieces, but something more overseeing. We are the power that stands in the middle of destruction, the observer that never stops watching, and the essence that doesn’t require physical form to be you.
So as you judge yourself in the sight of destruction and dissolution of what you thought to be you— watch as you rebirth your connection to your true essence.
You, the one who watches, always survives death.
Perhaps, it is the recalibrations of the created self that make you feel alive again.